I never leave the house and keep both phones in my pockets all day so that whichever phone you ring, I never miss your call

ABSTRACT

Introduction: I will never forget the tightness in my throat and the pressure rising in my chest when I heard those words spoken by the husband of an ICU survivor. How ashamed I felt that despite all we do to alleviate the suffering of our patients, sometimes we create new suffering for those left at home. Main Body Restricted visiting during the pandemic has created unprecedented challenges for patients, staff, and families. Not able to rely on family visits to communicate news and to help families appreciate any change in the condition of their loved ones, we have had to develop new ways of working. The consultants enthusiastically rallying juniors into daily telephone updates, emailed messages read to patients by nursing staff, pictures on the walls of a hospital room, and wrestling with technology to bring families together in one room via video call. Despite all the energy and innovation, I am sure I'm not the only person who has found themselves thinking that perhaps the call to update the wife/father/daughter of our patient can wait. They had an update yesterday;maybe someone else can speak to them later. This phone call, one of several to ICU survivors and their families, was the first time I had fully understood the reality for the loved ones of so many of our patients. They are barred from the hospital due to covid restrictions, struggling to build a picture of their loved one from the snatches of information given down a phone, desperate for news. Since this conversation, I am incredibly mindful of the responsibility to care for families as well as our patients. Even if they aren't with their loved ones in person, we have an opportunity to include them in the journey. Maybe we remember to share the big things, but sometimes the small things are the ones that matter most a shave, the music on the radio, ice cream with their lunch. Each member of the ICU team has a different story to share, and it's these human connections this patient's husband was waiting for by the phone. Conclusion: As we slowly arrive at “the new normal” we might be relieved to see the end of some of our pandemic practices. However, I will never forget the lesson this man taught me. I will use my privileged position to make painful times perhaps a little more bearable for the families and friends of those we treat.