The challenge of parenting children from different worlds

ABSTRACT

This paper was presented at the Association of Child Psychotherapy (ACP) annual conference, alongside images of birds' nests of all shapes and sizes, to illustrate their versatile and unique qualities specifically required for their young. It explores the experience of parenting children who come from 'other' worlds, with a focus on adoptive parents, and examines how parenting, or being parented by someone who appears to be so very different to ourselves, can be extremely complicated and can cause significant distress. The paper will refer to some of the challenges of being good enough or secure enough, when it comes to building 'home' or nest. These challenges are also experienced by professionals, who can feel that they have limited resources to offer these children given their complex needs. It can feel as though they are continuing the cycle of deprivation, balancing on the edge of the nest with vulnerable fledglings, and preparing them for flight which they may not yet be ready for. These themes are also relevant when considering the context and 'edginess' of our times – coming out of the pandemic, many of us have had the experience of being cast out of the workplace and other connected or communal spaces, feeling less protected at home, while being exposed to more of the threat normally held within our clinics. We have all found ourselves living in a changed world.