'Transforming' self and world: a phenomenological study of a changing lifeworld following a cochlear implant.

After 50 years of being profoundly deaf, Patricia (Pat) finds her world 'transformed'-literally and metaphorically-when she receives a cochlear implant. Her sense of self and the taken-for-granted, comfortable world she knew before surgery disappear and she is thrown into an alien, surreal existence full of hyper-noise. Entry into this new world of sounds proves a mixed blessing as Pat struggles to come to terms with her changing relationships, not only with others (who now feel somehow 'different' to her) but also with herself. On good days, she is exhilarated by all her sensory gains and her feeling of being more connected with and to the world. On bad days she is distracted and overwhelmed by the intrusive noise and she is forcibly confronted with the painful reality of her own disability (past and present). The challenge she confronts is not simply the cognitive-perceptual one of learning to discriminate between sounds. Pat must also re-orientate herself and learn to cope with her transformed self and world. She must undertake a journey to come to terms with her past, present and future being. Pat shared her story with me and together we undertook collaborative existential phenomenological research, co-creating a narrative of her journey over the year and a half following her implant. This paper presents this narrative followed by an existential analysis of Pat's disrupted, changing lifeworld.

"Outing" the researcher: the provenance, process, and practice of reflexivity.

To increase the integrity and trustworthiness of qualitative research, researchers need to evaluate how intersubjective elements influence data collection and analysis. Reflexivity--where researchers engage in explicit, self-aware analysis of their own role--offers one tool for such evaluation. The process of engaging in reflexive analysis, however, is difficult, and its subjective, ambiguous nature is contested. In the face of challenges, researchers might retreat from engaging in the process. In this article, the author seeks to "out" the researcher's presence by exploring the theory and practice of reflexivity. Examples from research illustrate its problematic potential.